Today is one of those days where I should probably be doing some major studying, using every possible minute to prepare for the upcoming mayhem that is my life in Optometry school right now......but alas, here I am, sifting through the millions of thoughts completely unrelated to cardiovascular disease, optics, and clinical proficiencies. So I decided that instead of being "productive" with my time, I would share a few of the thoughts that God has been bringing to my attention lately. It's one of those things where one conversation after another, with completely different people in different settings, keeps pointing to the same thing. As though I'm driving along this crazy road of life and He keeps placing that same big billboard along the way to get my attention. This one is a billboard reminder of His sovereign grace in every aspect of my life.
Many, but not all of you may know this about me, but I've been in a particular "season" of life for 23 years. I've called it a season because well, to be honest, it's one I've continuously hoped would change at any time. It's a season of singleness, of waiting, expecting....and then waiting some more. Despite what some may think, it's not been by choice to remain single this long, for God knows I'm not wise enough to know how much I have need this particular aspect of my life journey.
Being alone is never easy, no matter who you are, because we are made to be in community, to form friendships and relationships. Our hearts long for that....to be known and to be loved. But I'm slowly (very slowly, at a pace of about 1 mile per year..so you can see that at 23, I still have a long way to go, right?)...I'm slowly learning that this season is God-ordained. And as such, it is a sacred time of waiting, seeking, and growing in faith and trust. By not being in a relationship over the past few years especially, I have been driven to rely on God in ways I otherwise would not have known. He knew, in His great and perfect love for me, that I needed to be alone to let my desperate need of Him sink in. And most days, I still struggle to see the blessing of having to turn again and again to the reality that my needs can, and only will, be completely satisfied in God. I question, I turn in angst, wondering when my time will come. But yet again, what He has been continuously showing me is that it is in my turning to Him, that I walk forward in this path. When I reach the realization that no one else can fill me, understand me, or love me as completely and intimately as He does, my heart is full of light and joy, and I am no longer concerned with my relationship status. I have my moments of weakness...I think we all do, but He is faithful to remind me time and time again of this Truth.
I guess what I'm learning is that there is something beautiful and necessary in this season of waiting--in taking advantage of the time I have to seek the presence of the Lord and to become the person I want to be when I meet the one He has prepared for me. I don't want to spend my time dwelling on what I don't have, only to miss out on the opportunities unique to being independent and unattached. I pray He gives me the drive to continue to seek open doors of serving others with my time and energy, and to make the most of every minute of this season. I so look forward to the day of having someone to join me in life and in ministry, but I don't intend to sit around waiting for him to show up at on my doorstep. And I believe he, whoever he is, wherever he is, is actively pursuing God and a life of ministry right now too. So as I wait, I'm learning to trust in the superior wisdom and love of my Lord, the giver of life, love, and all things worth waiting for.
In the words of one of my favorite songs by Matt Hammit,
This life is Yours to give so with each new day,
let every breath that I take bring You praise.
Let it bring You praise, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.
When You choose to take, let it bring You praise,
reminding the world that heaven awaits.
Let it bring You praise.
Before I even speak You know my every need.
All that I am is because You are.
Blessings and love to all <3
Karisa
“The Lord your God is in your midst, a mighty one who will save; he will rejoice over
you with gladness; he will quiet you by his love; he will exult over you with loud singing.” – Zephaniah 3:17
